The Australian Poopsicle.

If you can stomach it, read this article.

Apparently you really don't want to order a gelato at Sydney's posh Coogee Bay Hotel. You also really don't want to piss off someone in the food service industry. The former is obvious because of the link to the above article on reuters, the latter is just being an intelligent human being.

When I go out to eat I never, and I mean never, make waves with the host staff, the cooks, or anyone else that works at the restaurant. People can be evil and creative with their revenge, and that in itself gives me pause before going off on a dumb ass waiter, especially before dessert has been served.

I wasn't there but my guess as to what happened is this. The customers were being complete and total douche-bags the entire time they were there. The article states they were complaining that they couldn't hear a football game and were given a gelato to "placate" them. This is only part of the story probably and of course the offended customers will downplay any douche-baggery. That being said, you don't poop in a man's ice cream. I don't give a good goddamn how nasty he may be.

The worst part of it? It was a chocolate gelato. Ewwwwwwww!!!!

-Twiz

LETS DO THIS!

My buddy Jarrod has been bugging the shit out of me the last few weeks because he wants a computer. Apparently I am the designated computer geek for my small circle of friends and this has put me in a precarious position. Earlier tonight he came over, mentioned the computer thang again, and me being me I finally broke down and said, "Fine, lets hook you up with a computer." He's got the money, and I got the know how. He told me what he wants his computer to do so here is what he is getting (warning: tech specs ahead).

-- Intel Core2 Q6600 Quad-Core (8MB L2 cache,2.4GHz,1066 FSB)
-- 4GB Dual Channel DDR3 SDRAM at 1067MHz - 4 DIMMs
--nVidia GeForce GTX 280 – 1024MB
--Seagate 7200RPM, SATA 3.0Gb/s, 16MB Cache
-- Genuine Windows Vista® Home Premium
-- Razer Copperhead Tempest Blue Gaming Mouse
-- MERC Stealth Gaming Keyboard
--16x DVD-ROM Drive + 16x DVD+/-RW w/ dbl layer write capable

So yeah. He wanted, he's getting. I could have went really nuts (dual GTX's anyone?) but he gave me a dollar amount and I stayed under it. Luckily he already has a monitor and a surround sound system so I didn't have to muck with those. That being said, I am hooking him up with a gaming rig that I am slightly envious of. Not tippy top of the line but still pretty damn decent. It's all good though. Someone helped me out once with a computer and now I am returning the favor.

-Twiz

Excuse me sir, we decided on a different "Token Black Guy"

I popped onto Yahoo! and read this article and was a shocked, but I get it.

The movie Iron Man was good. Just take my word for it as I am a Marvel Comics "fan boy" and have enjoyed (almost) every comic to film adaptation that has been released based on Marvel characters.

All I can say is read the article. I'm in the mindset that unless something drastic happens, stick to the original cast when making sequels! Just my random thought on the subject.

-Twiz

Karaoke Selection #2

I've noticed that most of the people who have the balls to sing karaoke always choose sappy love songs. They are easy to do. Nothing, and I mean nothing, brings a hoppin bar down more than a heartfelt ballad. Usually the person singing just went through a nasty breakup or is lamenting on love lost. Don't get me wrong, there are several songs I sing that are ballads but there is a time and place for this. These times aren't for when you are out trying to have a good time however.

When this happens I have my DJ buddy que this selection up. I must say that this song usually clears the air of negative thoughts. The lyrics don't really matter in this case, as the song is upbeat. Quite honestly, the chicks dig it, and that is one of the reasons I do it. So, for your consideration, I offer my Karaoke Selection #2. Enjoy,



-Twiz

Will The Real Max Payne Please Stand Up?

My pal Jarrod and I went to see Max Payne tonight. Max Payne is the big screen adaptation of one of my favorite video games of all time.

Honestly I was a little worried about this movie at first for several reasons. One reason is the unclothed young man to the left (Marky Mark Wahlberg) playing the part of Max, a brooding, depressed, and haunted police detective. He did a passable job. Not Oscar worthy but decent. The second reason was the trailer for the film looked all demonic and that is not even close to what the storyline of the Max Payne video game was about. Finally I was worried that this movie was going to be a lump of special effect laden shit with bad acting. Well none of the actors broke any new ground but my final call on this movie is that it entertained me, and that's what it's all about.

All that being said, the movie sticks pretty close to the story line of the video game. Be forewarned, this is not a kill, kill, kill, everyone dies movie. There are a few action scenes, but at it's heart this is a cop movie. Follow the clues, slowly piece together what is going on, then BAM! Plot twist! The beginning is dreadfully slow setting up the story, but perhaps that is because I already knew what the final outcome was going to be.

Quite honestly I expected (and hoped for) an R rating. After watching it I don't see how it wasn't rated R. Only one F-Bomb was dropped and the language was no coarser than what you will find on cable television after 9 o'clock at night. There was violence and gun play, which we are desensitized to. Some of the imagery later on in the movie is quite dark and twisted and there is a scene of what can only be described as torture. It wasn't gruesome torture mind you, but the scene was pretty intense. I'm not a parent but I found myself sitting there thinking that there is no way I would let my 10 year old kid watch this. It was that freaky. I'm getting old though.

All in all it was a good story, and one that needed to be told. The director did a passable job of translating the dark and dreary New York of the game into the film. A lot of non gamers think that video games are stupid and the movie translations are pure ass. 2006's Silent Hill is a perfect example of this. Some would argue that 2005's Doom is also garbage, but I did enjoy Doom somewhat.

Max Payne will probably be in and out of theaters quickly and it may not make a ton of dough. That's not the point. The point is Max Payne got made, and that's a good thing.

-Twiz

Karaoke Selection #1

I sing karaoke from time to time, and unlike many other karaoke singers I take pride in my singing. Granted it doesn't take alot of skill to go up on stage in front of a bunch of drunk people who have no clue what the hell is going on. They can't tell whether the jukebox is playing or an actual human being is providing the entertainment, unless of course the karaoke singer is so horrendously off key that dogs bark. So, for your consideration, here is one of the songs that I usually warm up with when I do sing karaoke.

Kenny Wayne Sheppard - Blue on Black


I have no actual videos of me singing, but if I say I do a good job at a song you better believe it. Twiz don't spout no junk.

There are about ten to twelve songs that I do on a consistent basis and in the coming weeks I will post videos here of the originals. You may be surprised at the selections.

-Twiz

Lying 101

I saw this article on yahoo and it made me want to blog about something I have been thinking about lately. Lying.

It's been my experience that the random people you meet in this world are so full of shit that their breath stinks like feces. I am guilty of lying as much as the next man (or woman), but mostly I try to shoot straight and not embellish the facts. Being a bartender I've talked to a lot of people that, in my opinion, just start talking and have no clue when to shut up. For instance, the other day this older gentleman was telling me about his trip to Vegas. He tells me that he dropped thirty thousand dollars in a casino and that he didn't even bat an eyelash. Yeah, right. If he has so much money to throw away why did he drive a ten year old mini van and dress like a homeless person? Obviously he's a quote unquote "high roller." Another for instance for you is the 21 year old girl who came into my bar and tried to tell me about all the older men she has eating out of the palm of her hand, then told me about her pain pill addiction and how she wishes she could get more child support out of her baby daddy. Sell your bullshit somewhere else sister, because I ain't buying! I've got numerous stories about many people that I could cite. Either I'm a very cynical cat or the random people I talk to can't speak without being honest. Probably a little bit of both.

I went off course a little bit there, but the point of the story is this. What are you lying douche bags trying to prove? Is it a raging case of "I just don't know when to shut up" or what? I realize that a little lie here and there to protect oneself, or someone you care about, can ultimately be a good thing. I know I made a career of it in my (failed) marriage. It's just scary to me how some people have absolutely no control over the manure they freely vomit out of their mouths! People will say anything to get themselves ahead.

I'm going to stop here as I'm getting all worked up and quite honestly could go on and on about this subject.

Food for thought.

-Twiz

Broccoli makes me gassy!

I'm bored, and a tad tipsy. I read somewhere recently that anything over 5 alcoholic drinks is considered binge drinking. Well shit. Almost everyone I know, including myself, is an alcoholic. Maybe it's just where I live, but getting piss ass drunk is a way of life for a lot of West Virginians. I must admit that it dulls the pain (both physical and mental) of the various pains in life.

What does this have to do with broccoli? Not a damn thing. So here is a recipe for a tasty broccoli dish.

How's that for random?

-Twiz

West and Wewaxation at WAST!

Apologies to Elmer Fudd.

MY Warcraft buddy J*Star came up with a great idea. Transfer to a non player versus player server so we can enjoy the upcoming release of Wrath of the Lich King for World of Warcraft. Personally, I've always looked down upon these types of servers and called them "Care Bear" servers. After an evening of questing without any of the opposing faction killing me over and over again, I must say I am hooked.

Not once did I have to look over my pixelated shoulder, not once did I have to worry about that stealthed rogue about to kill me, not once did I have to run from the graveyard to my body in ghost form. It was wonderful.

I've been playing World of Warcraft since late in 2005 (shortly after the game came online) and I have always been on player versus player servers (where you can be attacked at anytime, almost anywhere, with impunity). That being said, J*Star put it best with a simple statement.

"We should have done this a long time ago."

No shit. There is some solace in it my friend, you thought of it, and being a care bear is good.

-Twiz

Go Watch Fooseball With Your Friends

A few weeks ago a friend of mine told me that there was a possibility that he could get his mitts on a pair of tickets to the November 20th Pittsburgh Steelers home game at Heinz Field. Needless to say I was stoked at even the chance at going, as it's been a dream of mine to see a game in person for a long, long time. Well, he told me tonight that he has the tickets in hand and we are going! I've been a Steelers fan all my life so this isn't kind of a big deal to me, it is a big deal.

To put it in perspective, the Steelers have sold out every home game since 1972. Quite honestly I thought that I would never have the opportunity to see a game. Now, barring any unforseen catastrophes, I will.

So I've got until November the 20th to scrape together a little spending money, and to find a camera.

-Twiz

Hey man, got a light?

My buddy and I decided to go half on a gamefly account because, well, we both love games and it's convenient. Buying games can sometimes be a crapshoot. When I sit back and count how many times I spent 50 or 60 dollars on a shitty game that I could have rented first it makes me nauseous. Anyhow, I convinced him to rent The Orange Box from valve for his PlayStation 3 because Half Life 2 just melts faces and is quite possibly one of the best first person shooters to date. Also included with the orange box is Team Fortress 2, a class based online only game that is really good. Unfortunately my friend doesn't have internet access so being the swell guy that I am I redownloaded it onto my computer for him to see what he was missing.

Now, I haven't played TF2 since early this year and the peoples at valve have made 2 or 3 big upgrades to it. Needless to say those guys are good at making these types of games. I sat down just to tweak the graphics settings so the game would run smoothly and next thing I know 6 hours had went by. Yeah, I've got a problem with gaming (according to certain people who will remain unmentioned in this blog)

The makers of the game are in the process of adding achievements to each class sort of like what the makers of Call of Duty 4 have done. What this does is extends the playability of the game and guarantees that sick twisted game-a-holics such as myself will keep on playing. The developers realize that it's good to have goals, even if they are pixelated. So for the next few nights, I will be playing a Pyro (shown here). I swear sometimes that I have ADD as nothing seems to hold my interest for long.

-Twiz

And in Local News...

I think I've mentioned in previous blogs that I think the local paper is refuse. I do, however, check the website for the Times West-Virginian every few days just to see if any rednecks have wrecked their four-wheeler lately.

Today I was in for quite a treat as one of the articles from today had a roving reporter out and about asking the regular folk of Marion County what they think about about the bail out package.

First they interviewed two college coeds working at a bar/sandwich shop. Their opinions sounded like regurgitation from whatever their professor told them in the business class they have to take. Be sure to stay inside the lines when coloring ladies!

I'm not going to go down through the residents of this fine county that the writer interviewed, I had thought about it, but I don't have the time or inclination. The general consensus from them however is that life sucks, and if it doesn't suck now it will suck eventually. What a great outlook!

I need to get a job at this paper. In the opinion section naturally. How is it that a bartender with a smattering of college education is ahead of what is supposed to be one of the better newspapers in North Central West Virginia? I could cite that I have an opinion and an internet connection but I'm sure there are computers set up at the Times, although they are probably Macs.

And yes, J*Star, you were first on this.

-Twiz

Proofreading and my 12th grade Edumacation.

My blogging process...

I'll start throwing down my opinions, clicking and clacking away on the keyboard like a madman. I'll then go back, proofread and correct my blogs, click the publish post button, and log out. A few days later I'll go back and reread my submissions and realize that I aren't as smart as I thought I were. The total disregard for the English language in the previous sentence was done on purpose, but reading some of my own blogs I've noticed a pattern. My grammar is for shit. I mean it's really bad. I've always prided myself on being able to put down in words my thoughts in a clear, concise, and intelligible format. Apparently my public education (or lack thereof) is really starting to shine through.

Ah well, I'll just have to try harder on picking up my boo boo's from now on.

-Twiz